The Hidden Cost of Holding It In: Internalisation and the Body
So many of us have learned to hold it in.
We smile through discomfort, stay quiet when something feels wrong, and push down what we really feel — often without even realizing it. But internalising our emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It makes our bodies carry the weight. In this piece, I explore how unspoken pain and pressure show up in our health, why it impacts women so disproportionately, and how we can begin to release it — gently, and powerfully — from the inside out.
There’s something many women have learned to do so well, we barely notice we’re doing it.
We smile even when we’re furious. We stay quiet when something feels off. We say yes when our body is screaming no.
We internalise.
This habit of turning pain, pressure, and disconnection inward instead of expressing it outward is something we’ve often learned early — through family dynamics, societal expectations, and systems that reward us for being "easy," "accommodating," or "strong." But what rarely gets talked about is how internalisation takes a toll not just on our minds, but on our bodies.
In his book The Body Keeps the Score, trauma specialist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk outlines something many of us have sensed for years: the body stores what we don’t express. Emotions aren’t just psychological. When pushed down repeatedly, they become part of the body’s baseline—affecting everything from our immune system to our cardiovascular health.
The Health Impact: What the Research Shows
Women are statistically far more likely to be diagnosed with chronic illnesses like:
Autoimmune diseases
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Fibromyalgia
IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome)
Migraines
Thyroid imbalances
Anxiety and depression
These aren’t just “stress-related.” They’re often trauma-linked.
When we are in a constant state of suppressing emotions or adapting to unsafe or invalidating environments, our nervous system adapts. It holds tension. It shifts into chronic fight, flight, or freeze modes. Hormones flood our systems long past what is biologically helpful.
The body, in short, begins to carry the weight of what we could not say, could not feel, or could not change.
Internalisation Looks Like:
Avoiding confrontation even when something hurts
Feeling guilty for having needs or asking for help
Downplaying pain (emotional or physical)
Staying “strong” even when you’re breaking inside
Constantly taking responsibility for others’ feelings
These patterns might feel “normal,” but they are not neutral—especially over time.
Healing Starts With Awareness
The good news is: the body is also incredibly intelligent. It responds to care. To safety. To truth.
Healing from internalisation isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about recognising what your body has been doing to protect you. And then, step by step, letting it know: it doesn’t have to hold it all alone anymore.
A Practice to Try: Somatic Check-In
Here’s a gentle body-based practice to help reconnect with what you might be holding:
Pause: Take 3 slow, conscious breaths. Feel your feet on the ground.
Name: Ask yourself: What am I feeling that I haven’t named yet today? Don’t judge. Just notice.
Locate: Where in your body do you feel this emotion? Chest? Belly? Jaw?
Soften: Place a hand there. Breathe into it. Let it know you’re listening now.
It doesn’t have to be dramatic to be effective. Listening daily is a radical, quiet revolution.
At Fierce Power, We Say:
Power is not about overriding your body. It’s about returning to it.
Because the more connected you are to your own body and truth, the less you internalise—and the more in-powered you become. For your health. For your leadership. For your life.