What Makes a Leader When No One’s Watching
Photo by Hazel Thompson.
This blog explores what real leadership looks like when no one is watching—through a beautiful and unexpected reflection from a 7-year-old. It's a reminder that leadership isn’t just about roles or recognition, but about how we live, connect, and support others in everyday moments. At its heart, it's about leading from within—being the leader of your own heart.
I was about to write this blog post when a message landed in my inbox from someone currently doing one of my leadership programmes. We’ve been exploring self-leadership in the course—what it looks like on the inside, not just on the surface—and her message touched me so much I asked if I could share it here. She checked with her daughter (who gave a very enthusiastic yes), and here we are.
Here’s what she sent:
“Hi Brita. I was talking to my 7-year-old child about the women in leadership course I’m doing. She told me some boys in her class had been saying ‘boys are better than girls,’ and she said she thought that was silly. Then I asked her if she thought I was a leader—and her dad—and she said yes. I asked if she was a leader too. She thought for a moment and said yes.
So then I asked her: ‘What do you think it means to be a leader?’ She paused, and then said:
‘You are the leader of your heart. It means that you've got good confidence and great greatness and you know who you are. We believe that we can all work together as a team and support other people to be great.’
I asked her who “we” was and she said: ‘We are the people who help each other.’ Then she moved on to talk about vampires, fairies and princesses.”
There’s so much I could say—but mostly, I just want to let that land.
This is what leadership looks like when you’re not on a stage.
When you’re sitting at your kitchen table having a real conversation.
When you model self-leadership without even realising.
When your truth ripples out and shows up in the words of a 7-year-old.
The part that stays with me the most is the we.
“We are the people who help each other.”
That’s it. That’s the kind of leadership I believe in.
It’s collective. It’s relational. It’s embodied. It starts inside—and spreads.
You don’t need a job title or a platform or a perfect plan.
You just need to be the leader of your own heart.
Let’s keep practising that. Together.